A Story To Tell

 Here I come to this blank page. Got a story to tell.

Nice to have so much time to just sit. Do I like it. Not a privilage really but forced to. Always on the go doing things but now most activities have to stop. 

What got me into this is because I was stubborn. I don't listen to friends and the most bad thing is I don't listen to my body. 

I am inflicted with a muscle tear. The calf muscle. The feel is like you patah kaki. Very painful. Can't walk can't move.

The pain was terrible. If I had listened to my doubles partner that we should stop when I first felt the sharp pain in my calf it wouldn't have been so bad. I defied because we were catching up on points. The excitement of tennis made me ignored the pain that was creeping in. We stopped when I could no longer bear the pain.

So I watched them play from the court side. After 15 minutes or so I got up was so shocked that couldn't even stand. My left leg hurt terribly. 

 Friends helped me to the car. What a havoc I created. I distracted players in other courts. you see I am fat and heavy chubby 😉 so quite difficult to drag me to the car. Amidst pain there were yells and laughters, thinking back, it was hilarious. Can't forget that moments. Yea I have friends.

Back home this old lady cried like a child. No pain killer only pannadol at home. No one to take me to the hospilal. 

But then what can they do. I know only time can heal.

May be I forgot . I am no more young any injuries take a long time to heal. I am already down for six(?) weeks.

The other day I tried to walk without the walker I stumbled and injured my toe.The physiotherapist opined that there may be a fracture, the bruise is still there so many days since the incident.

So here I sit. The walker beside me. 

Sometimes i play the keyboard to entertain myself.

 

 

Enjoyyy

Update

 

Its now Ramadhan again. How many Ramadhan have i been through. Countless. But then there is a number  attached to my name in the ID. How do one feels when seeing knowing the number. For me it doesn't matter. Age is just a number they say.

Looking back life has been good for me though not really that good. Cause may be i am not living the way i wish to. 

But then its ok, so grateful all this while that i am blessed with good health and  so are the people closest to me. Life has been kind. 

My other half is fit and back to normal after a surgery. The more than 6 inches surgical scars on his abdomen reminds us the trying time we had.2 years ago the time has elapsed i have been away from this blog. In more than two years this will only be my second entry.

In a few days time we will be celebrating Hari Raya ....the excitement of yesteryears is not really there. I have not done much preparations. My grandchildren are no more playful kids. Two are already into their twenties, two teenagers except and one late comer Adli just celebrated his fifth birthday.My two children are already in their forties. My husband and me hmm you can guess.

Hey no ...life is still good. I am waiting when this puasa is over i am going to lift my tennis racket again. Just got a new racket and I am going to swing it again in the court. As long as this legs can carry my body i'll be there.

All these years besides tennis gardening is my therapy. The same old garden area but the trees have grown older. The cempaka now looks limp in the dry season. The dukong has grown taller than the house but no fruits.I keep it for shade. The belimbing buluh i think will soon die in contrast the kedondong is happily flowering. My garden is growing old with me.

My other hobby swimming is at a stand still. Before, I thought I will never stop swimming but since covic 19 struck I have not been to the pool except for once or twice.

Now most of my time is spent at the keyboard. I find it very satisfyng after getting to play a song correctly. But at times i feel i am pushing myself too hard trying to learn too much and to keep up with the demand which i promise myself to upload my youtube channel fortnightly.

You might say why i tread into young people's world of socmed. Why not if that can make you feel relevant.

I stop here till my next entry.

Welcome to my youtbe channel @halizma's keyboardnovice

This is one of my youtube postings. There are more videos. Enjoy and thanks for support. 

  

Till then.

Feel Like Post-Event Blues

I am alone here trying to peck at the keyboard.

I dont know how to start and know not what to write.

Ok lets talk about yesterdays ...

Events of yesterdays still lingered in my mind

Nothing big nothing great but its still there.

The "crowd" started with the arrival of Adli and sisters and their mother since 2 days before the Merdeka holiday.

They kept me busy more than usual but I can manage. Forgo my hobbies a few days. 

Can you imagine how hectic it became when later they were joined by a group of my extended family members from the north, from my roots.

And then my own sister and family........... 

They came to holiday in this famous coastal town. At the same time to visit me whom they have not met since so long.

I was quite relieved to know then that only two of them were to be putting up at my house while the rest at the hotel.  My house is too small to accomodate all .....

But most time they hanged out here at this house. Of course I don't mind. They are my family anyway.

But then how can I not invite them to have meals in my house that's our custom thats our culture ...They said don't trouble yourself but I said oh no trouble at all while inside me gnawing..... can I manage ...

You can imagine the havoc because I was not really prepared for that many of visitors. I usually cook only for two and not used to cooking in big quantity

 I don't mind ...really- I tried and not forgetting thanks to my sister and neice who helped.

 I was at first overwhelmed by their presence, met them all so long ago some when they were still very small, and some I never met before. A little awkward of course. But the warmth slowly built up, good feeling developed and soon everybody was chattering away.  

It was not easy to handle the situation singled handed somehow I think I managed to entertain them with my my cooking, with my stories ...

There was so much to talk about,  so  much noise so much laughter......... and so much love

Happy family reunion of sorts ... what a happening

This morning all of them including Adli and siblings had left.

I watched them go until their cars disappeared from my view.

Suddently my home was so quiet.

I watered my plants 

I removed the dried leaves and flowers that littered my car

What else to do ....

It was quite hard to control a post-event feeling.

It was quite hard to hold back the tears....

The "crowd" 😃

I sooth myself by playing this song

National Day

Tomorrow 31st August is our national day. The nation is celebrating. People express their patriotism in various ways.

I express it this way -

Selamat Hari Merdeka !!

Time Ticking

Time does not stand still. it is passing , passing.  

Sometimes you want time to slow down but sometimes you prefer it to go faster. it depends on your wishes. Fact is time has its own speed its just how we feel about it depending on the state of our mind.

But what time can do we cannot deny for example me -aging my children older my grandchildren bigger.

The trees I planted some have died a natural death some being mercilessly chopped down.

With the passing of time the trees in my garden have grown so tall posing danger of falling on to the house so they have to be cut down. Yes the four tall gaharu trees were chop off many months ago their stumps have begun to rot even.

The cempaka trees were chopped off halfway now they are growing back with vengeance, the leaves more lush and  flowers are more and bigger.

The dukong tree is still growing but no more fruiting.

The belimbing tree is very old now that the bark of stem and branches are wrinkling and peeling.

But the passing of time cannot yet make me tired of gardening.

I don't plant that much but i keep on planting though they keep on dying. In a way thats the way of passing my time.

These few days I keep spending time rearrranging the plants and trimming the grass and making the ground tidy. 

The children are coming and I am quite excited because they have not come visiting like they used to before when they were small. 

Now they are all already of study age. The first grand already in the university the second in college the other in secondary and the one younger in the primary. Adli is in pre school. See how time flies ... yet here I remain still tending my little garden.

I feel happy today the ground is tidy when Adli comes he can roll on that grass...

 

I love this leaning tree

I should be spending more time doing the garden to make it better but alas I don't have the time. My new interest is stealing my gardening time.

el Reloj (the clock) 

Till next posting 

 

 

Start Again

 

Today i feel like blogging again . I have stopped for more than a year. Many reasons are... or really there is no reasons at all.

Perhaps its the facebook that i just come to lately, that may take away my interest in blogging. 

Perhaps its the youtube.

But after many wasting days and monthes i am coming back here. i miss blogging actually. 

I am just a lonely soul in the cyberspace . I really don't interact much. i am just wandering and wondering and "seeing" the world from the comfort of my home.

i just like to read and write. i don't mind my writing is not read by anyone. i just want to write so that my aging mind won't get to rust and render me a useless individual before its time.

When i stumble on some good write i wish i can write as good. When i see some awesome photos i wish i can take photos just as good but of course i can't as i lack knowledge but it doesn't matter to me if i just can dream of being a good author or a good photographer.

When i listen to some good music i wish i can make one just as good or play the music just as good. Reality is i can't. But i don't feel so bad as like giving up life for all that i lack. Its ok to dream 😐 and thankful that i still can do things i like.

Of course i can't keep on dreaming. My friends, not many, will laugh if they know i at this age have not stopped dreaming. Or maybe they too are still having dreams and despair at unfullfill wants in their lives. 

And so as not to keep on wishing i did what i did. I have created a youtube channel where i can upload my music. That way i can push myself to do something instead of wanting to do but not doing. i have a target to upload at least 2 songs a month.  

Actually its not my own music but i learn and play those found in music books that i bought. and some i play by ear those songs i love and grow up with such as this

There are more at my youtube channel @halizmas

Hope you enjoy 

Till next posting...

In The Stillness

 

In The Stillness

In the stillness of the night

the blurry images surfaced

of faces

some i regonized not 

some i did as if time had not passed

and i was there (!)

in the crowd that slowly formed

that broke into smiles and laughters

chattering and giggling

about nothing 

weird

what were we talking about

what were we laughing at

what was it so hilarious

so ambiguous

hazy 

cloudy

floaty

soon as everything faded into nowhere

i realised 

it was just a reflection of my uncoscious

The Pandemic Scare Has Waned (?) Life Goes On

 That's what I think the people are not scared like they did during the past monthes. People seem to feel free going here and there. 

My area has begun to get a lot of visitors. The past weekends I saw huge crowd at the beach. 

The traffic has become heavy and its a hassle for us the locals to go around smoothly like usual. But its ok it makes the place feel cheerful and festive. 

Some of my friends feel troubled by the high taffic that  they choose not to come out on weekends. So on Saturday very few come for tennis. Our monthly tournament also was resheduled to a Friday. 

By the way the last tournament we had was so much fun for everybody of course to me since me and partner managed to crawl up to a satisfying win after being left so far behind during the most part of the game. The long stay-at-home order that possibly brought about sluggishness did not make us stale at the game.

The club swimming pool is also always full to the limit of the SOP. I have not gone for swimming for so long, never at the pool and only once or twice in the sea. As I am proned to attack by the sandfly or other tiny creatures in the sea water I choose not to go swim there anymore. Just get exercise on land.

Yea, like gardening. But the heavy rain has started to come. Can't do much. But my area has good drainage so no flood happen except  a few places had minor flood.

My bird watching cum photography also takes a back seat. I don't go out much with my camera. Just look around from my home. Not many birds come except the common black starlings feeding on the cempaka fruits and the fan-tail robins, most the time are here in my garden flying low and appearing so tame. The Hornbills passed this way only once or twice. 

Since the pandemic I am more into my new hobby which takes a lot of my time. Getting crazy over it. Got challenged by it especially when I think I am getting older and slower. Am not defying the time and nature but that's it if something is hard to do the more you want to do it.

The other day I bought a portable digital grand piano. A Yamaha DGX 670 to replace my Yamaha keyboard EW 410. Not that the keyboard is not good enough but well its just that crazy old lady, me.

So now I am hard at work of self learning to justify the buying. 

me trying out the new digital piano

( use headphone/earphone ya, don't know why so much noise if without)

Actually no regrets because I like it so much , its beautiful. good look good sound. Only thing is I need to explore more to know its various features that can help my play become nice to the ears.

Today is the first day of a new year. Rain from last night till now. There was no firework blasts to usher the new year last night .... except for a few faint fire crackers . . .

Gone has 2021 an annus horribilis

Lets hope for a 2022 an annus mirabilis . . .

 Meet again at next entry.

A Fallen Tree

A Fallen Tree

 Rows of them at the beach front

The one with spreading canopy

would be scrambled to by many 

to camp under

to gain shelter

Today I see one is downed

broken by the night storm

laying lifeless on the sand

bypass by many

as no shelter is offered by a fallen tree 

The leaves will soon dry up and drop

leaving dead branches poking the air

soon it will rot

and get drifted

alone and lonely

Have You Been Vaccinated?

That question did put me at ill at ease then. 

Not anymore . Because I had my complete dose already.

I was not so keen earlier on but after deep thinking plus after the urgings surrounding me I came to my senses. 

Not that I am anti vaccine or anything like that, its just that the thought of not wanting to disturb my body system. Scared that  while well and healthy some foreign things injected in may cause havoc inside there.

I know I am quite wrong in thinking like that but after reading about the newly developed Covid vaccines its positive and nagatives of course being sceptical is just natural. Its a layman understading . .

On the lighter side, no I know not the needle that I am afraid of.

Of course its not something like this hehehe

(Injection on gaharu tree)

(This is to trigger the production of more agarwood)

--------------------------

But I got vaccinated anyway. 

I think I do good to myself , my family and to my country which aim to achieve herd immunity soon possible. 

After the vaccine you step out with confidence

Gardening Makes Me Happy

Though the prolonged MCO is making me feel lethargic by the day, I cannot allow my mood to slide. That can make my time go to waste.  I try to be productive. I spend a lot of time in doing up my garden albeit doing work at snail speed.

Tried a makeover for the garden but I don't have a proper plan. Haah whatever for, the area is just small . . . just aim to make it look big 😊

Now my garden look more spacious.

I have pushed the plants and flower pots to the side and let the centre be occupied by grass. Its quite a hard work removing the plants which have rooted quite deep into the ground. Some how I could do without anybody's help.

See this big pot. It houses a tall hibiscus, the roots dig through into the ground. I managed to move it 💪💪. 

The grass is growing quite fast but there are still some bare spots. I have put more garden soil over the area hoping the grass will spread there in search of nutrients. Hope the whole centre area will turn green like a carpet. No, its not carpet grass. It is just the humble cow grass but they look nice when properly trim and stay short.

Of course I don't cut them with scisors. I have bought a grass cutter like this. No battery, no electricity. No need maintenace. So convenient. Good enough for my small lawn. Now the grass has no chance to grow high. Can't wait to cut them. Good exercise you know pushing that thing.

I like the changes I made but I thought better if I could replace some of the flower pots. Some bought from ancient time you can imagine how they look. But then I can't do it now . The nursary where I used to get my garden supplies is closed due to the MCO. Look like I have to scrub them. Theres plenty of time to even scrub the flower pots . . .

At times my work will be interupted by the little creatures. Sometimes you are not aware, nearly come to touching 😮them but the catterpillar won't give a hoot to my squeal it will just continue chomping the young green leaves . . . who cares . . .

The other day someone sold me 2 sacks of garden soil mixed with cowdung and a sack of cocoa peat. I have repotted some plants using this soil and they are happily growing now. Hope they maintain the healthy growth.  

The grass is getting thicker and so green. Must be that cowdung . . .

Nice little lawn I have now. Little Adli can play here when he balik kampung. 

Wonder when will they open the state border. . . how long more this crisis will last. Will it take many more months . . . or years . . .

Hope not when it is over and they finally free us  the little lawn would be too small for Adli to romp around. Children grow fast., don't they.

Happy gardening. 

Filling Time And Wandering Mind

The other day a friend called with no particular purpose but to just chat over nothing of importance. As with most people the phone chats help to fill time especially in this time of restricted movement due to the Corona virus.

Already so many weeks forced to stay home and she is getting fatigue over it. Anyway she thanked me for making her buy an electronic keyboard and learning to play music. That helps save her from being insane over inactivity.

Another friend also expressed how she has become tepu. Tepu  . . .ha ha its not about the saturated cooking oil .of course. Just can't take it anymore she said about this continuous stay at home order.

I read in the news there's anger, there's despair, there's fault finding among the raayat. I have sympathy for those who really are badly affected. We the ordinaries can't do much to change things. Stay calm find something to do to fill the time to keep us stay sane.

Me? Still ok sustaining living my quiet life. My home garden occupies most of my time.

It may just be a small one but it is good enough a place for me to sit around if staying indoor makes me feels tepu . . . I can go out and get to enjoy the soothing breeze here.

You see, though not big it has space for a few big and tall trees. So its shady and cool. 

Lucky that I like gardening and during the MCO as I don't have other hobby to distract I spend more time here.  Everyday watering the plants or raking away the leaves that never stop falling. So the plants thrive and the ground quite tidy.

I like to have a laissez faire kind of garden so I let the plants grow as they please. Some have overgrown their pots. The kesidang has grown so well that it has climbed up to the top of the tall gaharu tree.

Recently it delighted me with clusters and clusters of flowers blooming and releasing sweet fragrance. When the wind blows the air is charged with the sweet smell.

I appreciate this little pleasure, yes.

 

  

Happy blogging.

Living in Sync

I used to think that the movement restriction whether the tight, the tightened or relaxed ones don't really affect my daily life. 

But after more than a year of living in such situation I begin to feel what other people might already been feeling, the stress of living in such a dictated way.

Our freedom to live the way we used to is curbed not only by the country authority but also by our own fear and anxiety.

I would in the past be enjoying tennis in the evening. Maybe in the morning I would have gone for swimming. Not that I cannot also go for a beach walk but the fear that the virus is everywhere scare the wits out of me. It ends up me not doing anything.

Of course there is the gardening to do. But my garden is just a small one and therefore now has nothing more left for me to do. Even if there is I tend to idle. I think boredom is setting in.

I know I am only thinking about frivolous matters. Not so much the urgency to address it. 

Its in the news that the pademic situation is really badly affecting the people in many ways. 

The loss of job is one. Lost in investment and etc. It is real that people finds it hard to live like they were used to, standard and quality of living have gone down. They are now cloaked in fear not only of the virus but also of their economy that is sliding downhill, may be I should say falling. 

The area I live in is also declared a red zone. There are many confirmed Covid cases. Heard that there are a few serious ones still in the ICU.  Hope they will recover.

Sad., last week an old friend lost to Covid 19. 

Its a relief  that the govt has declared a total lockdown and hope it will be enforced strictly in the true sense of the word, but it doesn't seem so. Can the chain be broken?

How I wish . . . 

Ah no point thinking and wishing as I am a powerless nobody. 

I have to be a good citizen and do my part.  

I will stay home.  

Just may be can do bird watching from my kitchen . . .

That must be the same bird again. Came over here a few times. 

I think it is looking for a new place to build a nest. The dead tree on whcih it dug  holes to stay has been chopped off by the land owner.  

Of course the bird had never pay any rentals. 

You are welcome to stay here in my garden :))

Stay safe.

2 Title-less Poems For Adila

No 1

Life has its up and down

 like the weather, there is rain and shine

at times of extreme heat

the grass die and lost its green

even the trees not able to resist

but to shed their leaves

 the flowers bow 

and drop their petals

But never a season forever lasts

when the rain comes and the drought passed

the air freshen up back to life

those before, droop in gloom

would perk up to bloom

No 2

Why would a stumble slow me down

a misstep on the lane

a cut, a bruise on the skin

 hit my spirit down?

I have hope and faith

in heart and mind

a time will come 

will find my true strength 

like the tide of the great ocean

it ebbs but rises again

Pride matters to humankind

success do matter

in the life of man

And so I will as life dictates

to do my best in tasks I undertake

with the full heart I will commit

for the success that I seek

Just Go For A Leisure Walk

 In a few days time its going to be a Hari Raya again. How is it going to be this time. 

Heard that the authority is going to clamp down on our movement meaning that there will be no home coming cheers, visiting or entertaining. 

There will be no rushing and busying for me. Thats why am sitting here before this laptop.

Its going to be a quiet Hari Raya just like last year's.

Thats because of Covid.

Covid has affected the way we live. It has changed the way we behave and do things. 

There are such things as the new norms that we have to adopt.

One is that our face is masked whenever we go out or sometimes even in the house if an outsider happens to be around. 

Ever wonder whats behind those masks. Smirks or smiles?

Another is that no touching. That makes some feel less friendly. 

Social distancing must be strictly observed they say better adhere to it than be sorry to be in isolation if you get Covid.

No raya shopping to avoid crowd. But I have learnt to shop online :))

Its confirmed now.

Strict travel restriction is cast upon the country, the number of new cases is escalating, thats why.

Its scary.

Have to tolerate this restriction and emergency. 

Never mind  if there's no home coming, no visiting, no entertaining.

I'll just entertain my self on that day.. May be  just go for a leisure walk at a quiet place nearby.

Selamat Hari Raya

Rainfall After Drought

  . . . is a showtime

Have a beautiful time.

My Monstera Stays Green.

Its been hot days for weeks and the weather condition seems to continue to be so as there is no sign of rain coming. 

The grass in my small lawn is yellow, drying and dying. There is so little green grass left. 

The trees that I have, the gaharus, cempaka, mulberry, the belimbing buluh are shedding so much leaves. I hope they don't go bald. 

But the dukong tree is doing fine. 

Other plants which grow here are also not doing well. The sun loving hibiscus are also shedding their leaves. It is natural for them to shed leaves during hot dry weather but there is one that makes me worry. It is looking extra limp. It doesn't help even if I drench it morning and evening. Anyway to be safe, not to let it go extinct here I have taken stem cuttings to try to grow new ones.

Plants that are parked under the trees are also limp by afternoon, except the anthuriums which remain steady. 

And there is one, come what may will stay green and fresh and lush.

It is the Monstera.

This plant is looking ever so strong conquering the dukong tree on which it finds support. It is sending out shoots everywhere even on the ground. 

The climbing stem around the tree trunk looks like snake. It might be mistaken for one because it looks so real. It gives me a fright sometimes especially when I am lost in thoughts and suddently looking up and found the 'snake' above.

There are times when a real snake comes but so far I have seen only the green ular lidi. Its not really scarry because it is so small and its color stands out quite distinctively. The Monstera leave is darker while the snake is light green and a little shiny.

The Monstera has been greening my compound for many years already. The starter plant was just a cutting given by my florist friend. My Monstera's growth is not much being disturbed, I don't keep plucking the leaves for floral arrangement like my friend does. Mine should have overshot hers in growth. Must check.

Lately many people show interest in this plant but they buy artificial Monstera to decorate their home. I think it is better to have the faux because it will remain green without much bothering the owner should the real Monstera is to be placed indoor. Maybe the only problem is it collects dust if it is left unattended for too long. Or may be after some time you feel cheated by the fakeness.

--------------------------

The above part of this posting was written days ago. And I am continuing tonight because I am inspired and feeling happy that rain has come. Around 5 pm the weather was not hot anymore. And it was nice to play tennis in such condition unlike on the previous days we had to endure the heat as the sun was still strong at 6.30 

I think if the plants can talk and feel they will express their gratitude too that rain has come. And very soon the grass will spring back to life and green the surrounding as the Monstera does.

Overgrown Monstera

Hot but beautiful evening

Ok got to stop here. Need to go do my other hobby 😊. The electronic keyboard is taking quite a lot of my time. 

Till next postng.

Stay healthy. Stay happy.

Quiet Days

Life is quiet now. Its MCO again, movement limited to 10 km only.

Its ok with me. It doesn't really affect my daily life.

Stay home . Do gardening. Play my Yamaha keyboard. 

Don't ask about housework. It never can finish.

Ah you can go jogging, but do go alone. Keep your distance.

I prefer other sport but not allowed. I miss tennis.

I have not gone for swimming for so long. Swimming pool is closed.

Once or twice swam in the sea recently.

Thought of going to swim again this Saturday, it will be high tide around 7am. should be cool and nice early morning swim.

But yesterday's morning drive to the beach made me not want to proceed with my plan. Why.

Looking out from the car I only saw quietness. The seascape was dull foggy hazy. The ambience, forlorn, sad. Not a soul was in sight. Don't know why I felt a little scary.

Its different at other times. Even if you are alone there you don't feel it. Would I dare to be in the water when there is no one around. 

Found out later that mandi manda is not allowed. No wonder.

I like to be by the seaside in the morning and when water is high it is so inviting for you to take a dip. Very refreshing to start your day.

Two weeks before the MCO was enforced Adli and sisters came over. Their main focus was the beach. Lucky for them the rain took a breather allowing them to enjoy nature at its best.

Beautiful morning

Stay safe.

Till next post

Saturday Morning Illusion

Looking out from my door i saw this 

A place of serenity and tranquility

Its wishful thinking one could go there

because it is too far

 

Stay safe

Over The Rainbow

The ending year is marked by dark clouds and much rain and much woorries too. The pandemic does not seem to go away yet. So what do you do? 

Me? Stay home. Play some music. I like this old song so tried to play it.

Hope you too like this old song. ( use earphone sounds better )

Stay safe.